"Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections to whats really important" Family!

Thursday, December 31, 2009

"Auld Lang Syne"

As 2009 draws to a close I can't help but think back on all the ups, downs, and hopes that were not realized this year. The purpose of looking back is to mull it over, grieve, laugh and maybe even cry over it, look it square in the eye and bid it adieu, so-long.....farewell, and good riddance!

I am a big believer in change. Way before Our president made it cool. I believe if you want, and despite what others may say or feel, YOU can turn whatever it is you don't like around. You can step out of the you of yesteryear, and wake up and decide to be a better, more productive, loving, kind, tolerant you. People may not like the fact that you've decided to grow for the better, but eventually they will come around.....and if not ...oh well.

I'll always be the first to admit my shortcomings, and I resolved a few years back to be a better me. I am so glad that I made that decision. I am glad I decided to wake up...roll over and just be better than I was yesterday. People doubted and even put me down for it...all in the hopes of maybe I'll stop trying, and just continue to be the same, But you know what....I'm not the same, I am better, and I am proud of it. Evey day I will keep striving for the best me.

As women and mothers we all have soo much to be proud of. Everyday we make it through our own personal hardships and struggles, is another day that makes us better, stronger humans.
Everyday our children grow happier and healthier, thank god and let's not be afraid to be proud of the good job we are doing. No matter what...no matter how big or even how small your struggle is. If you can get past it, do it....and be proud inside that you did.

My hope for the new year is that it will be filled with new beginnings, that my children will continue to grow and most of all continue to THRIVE! I pray things of the past will emerge from their cocoon changed and blossom into something different...something better. I pray that my little family can enjoy another year on this earth, loving and being here for each other.

"Don't you carry nothing that might be a load"

I wish every one Peace & Love



Melon Obsession 2

You may be able to tell by the pictures I have up that I have become enamored with baby headgear and "color splash" photo editing!

First the headgear....

This is my first daughter so naturally I am excited about all things cute! The last time I used a bow in my own hair was in high school! LOL Anyway,....I have been on a lot of baby head accessory websites and while the stuff they sell is cute, it's kinda expensive. Sure I could drop $19.99 on a super cute flower hat, but why should I? This woman is perfectly able and WILLING to create her own bows and clips. This past weekend I took a trip to this shopping area in the bronx called Fordham Rd. I went to a lot of the baby stores and could not find any really nice bows or headbands like the ones I've seen on the web. That's when I finally decided to hit the craft/fabric store and re-create some of the styles that caught my eye on the Internet. The headband my girl wore in the latest "Wordless Wednesday" post I made myself.....not the red one...but the one with the dots.

So far I've created six bows (using a few clips I was able to find at a store), I going to make a few crochet hats with flowers and feathers, once I go back out and find some additional material.

Check out Hana's latest headband!

Color splash editing......

What can I say...it adds such a nice touch to B&W pictures. Whatever color you want to pop, really does with this effect! It's going to make all my headband, flower, and hat pictures amazing. I know this technique of photo editing has been out FOREVER.....but hey.... I just started using it so cut me some slack =^_^=. I am new to all this picture creation stuff, and we all have to start somewhere right??

anyway...more to come as I take them, hopefully this year will be full of amazing and splash-tastic pictures!

Milkin' Less?

I am concerned...

As I mentioned in my holiday blog entry, I think my left breast is drying up!!! I'm just getting less milk in there lately,...a whole lot less!. I don't know what's going on. My DD is only 5 months old, she nurses F/T, for the most part I don't give her any bottles or supplement with formula. I thought I was doing everything right and now POOF! Overnight my supply in that ONE boob is cut in half! weird.......My right breast is producing just fine, no change there.

This is very frustrating, and not the worry I want to begin the year with. Not that I want to worry at all this year, but I have been able to save tons of money because I don't need formula. My baby budget has been on track so far, and I'm not too thrilled about the looming threat of similac's outrageous prices. I was hoping to BF at LEAST to 8-9 months. With my last son, I began to dry up naturally because of my hectic, killer OT schedule. There was just simply no time to pump at work, and my bosses didn't care. Their only concern was that I was at my desk taking calls. If I knew then what I know now I would have made a bigger stink about it, but that's water under now.

Lately, I've been trying to keep the stress of things going on all the way to a minimum by just not concentrating on it, but maybe it's internalized and manifesting itself in my lowered milk supply. I don't know.......I hope I can get to the bottom of this soon, and the milk rebounds. I'd hate to have to give up BF'ing so soon.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Monday, December 28, 2009

Holidays for sale?

Like most people this extended weekend has been very busy. Shopping for last minuet gifts, giving and receiving of those said gifts,  cooking, eating, going to church ect......


This year, my six year old son was in a play at church for the Christmas holiday! I must admit I never thought of him as a "Thespian"(he loves physical contact sports), but maybe he get's it from his dear old mom...lol (I love to act, and have been in several plays as a child...I'm also a HUGE lover of Interpretive Dance). But with my doubts aside, there he went....marching up the aisle with his fellow actors, dressed as the cutest angel I've ever never seen. He has been practicing for this show for the past few weeks at church every Sunday after services, and by the look of confidence on his little face on the stage, I would say he was comfortable.

The baby didn't make too much of a fuss in church aside from the time she got hungry and wanted to nurse. I think the feeding went well aside for the well meaning congregation member peaking over my shoulder to see if the baby was nursing right since she was still fussing after I put her to my breast (did I mention she does this thing where she "complains" for a few minuets after I begin feeding her? Its soo cute..). After her feeding she apologized to everyone at church by sitting cutely on my lap and flashing her little smile at everyone who looked her way......such a princess ham she is...lol! 

and .....this time I had my breast pads on!!! see I too can learn..LOL!


This is the most picture-taking holiday I have ever seen! I don't think there is anyone on earth who didn't take at LEAST ten pictures this weekend! Everywhere you go, some one has a camera! heaven forbid if you looked less than perfect this Christmas weekend, It will and I mean WILL be "on tape" . With that being said....guess what I gave my sister as a gift??? a got darn digital camera!!


While we are on the topic of gifts, I made this year "The year of recycled gifts"! Don't get me wrong....I didn't go totally cheapo.....I was just a bit more frugal this year. I did go out and buy some video games for my nephews and phone peripherals for my son, but I also gave away a few things that I love, but no longer use or just see fit to give away. For instance.....I gave my niece this black hematite necklace that I have had and loves for years. She's into jewelry and always admired it whenever she would see me with it on. So, I decided to gift it. When she opened the box, she was soo excited to have it because she loved the piece, and she said it made her feel a bit more like me (awwww!). To my paparazzi sister went my awesome digital camera! I love that cam, but hers recently broke. She too had admired it when I took pictures with it this summer, so off it went to a loving home!. With the exodus of lovingly used things went one iPod,  two mp3 players, another camera, and a cell phone. Things that I have upgraded past, but still having a long life ahead of them.

All-in-all nursing this past weekend has been very good..., with the exception of one new phenomenon. My left boob seems to be giving up on producing much milk! (I will give this issue it's own post).


I must say this season was very joyous. I am very grateful that I got to share it with family and friends. Personally I feel that this year the holiday was turned into a "sale circus". If you managed to truly give from the heart and not just your wallet then I commend you! With everything being "reduced" and prices being slashed, It's hard to keep focused on the "real" spirit. My children's eyes lighting up after seeing some shiny toy was not the best part of the weekend (thou I do admit it made me smile)......no...rather it was just sitting down together laughing and talking at the end of the night with my family that truly warmed my achy little heart.  After a tough year it's all you really need.....a few hands to hold, love, cherish and remind you that you're loved in return.

As always...pictures to come, as soon as I hook up the cam.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

24 Hour Snack Bar!

Or as it's widely know.......Co-Sleeping!

I don't know about anyone else, but after almost five months of it,  I think it's crib time. I realize how awesome co-sleeping is to a nursing mom. You never have to make a trek to the crib or bassinet to retrieve a fussy hungry baby, nurse, put the baby down to sleep, and repeat. Instead you get the luxury of just rolling over a short distance, and feeding the baby, then going back to sleep. Now......right there,  in that last step is where my problem lies.

I can't go back to sleep, or even sleep semi-soundly, and it's killing me. I wake up from a shallow sleep everyday exhausted, and looking for ways to sneak in a nap. The biggest reason I'm up is because my little girl takes in snacks, or nibbles all night, in lieu of a "real meal". My nipples are "working" from the time I hit the hay, until the time I get up to get the boys going in the morning, and then again until Hana goes down for her 9 am or so nap. All this nibbling keeps me from sleeping, since I wake easily.  

One night I was so sleep deprived and my LO was crying, I rolled over and scooped her up, then proceeded to give her my boob. She kept fussing and I was thinking "uggh! just drink already"......I sleepily looked down to see her swiping at my breast and fussing....turns out I was poking her in THE EYE WITH MY BOOB! I felt soo bad, but It was kinda funny. 

All in all, I don't know how to "fix" this. I don't know if putting her down in the crib will help......most likely I'll end up having to "teach" her to sleep without boob-cifiers. It's my fault anyway.....I guess I should have not choose to co-sleep, or maybe I'm doing it wrong......

Suggestions please..................anyone have any advice for a sleepy moo-moo co-sleeper?
 Be sure to leave your comments below, thanks!

Monday, December 21, 2009

The Moooo-st Wonderful Time

It's almost Christmas and I am getting excited about it for a change. The tree is up and the boys did a great job decorating it. Today I am going to have everyone try on their church outfits. I put the baby in her dress last night to see if it fits and it does.

On my list of needs for attending church on Christmas......, I WILL NOT forget the breast pads! AND I WILL bring a few bottles of expressed milk for the baby with us. Since this is a time of year that the church will be super crowded, I don't want to worry about nursing, leaking, or wearing something that I can get my breast out of.

In other news....Like most easterners, we got our first snow of the season this weekend. My six year old has been waiting for this since thanksgiving. As the snow began to fall late Saturday night, he grew more and more excited. When the accumulation of snow hit an acceptable level, I allowed the boys to go out and play!

They put on their heavy gloves and coats, bundled up tight and ran down the stairs and out the door. It's too bad Hana is too young to play in the snow. Oh well...maybe she will get a chance to play with her brothers next year.
The "snow castle"

Friday, December 18, 2009

Bad Daddy!

Ok.....not that bad...

But, maybe too eager. It seems daddy has taken a shine to (the idea of) feeding the baby. He bought a big (in my eyes) box of baby cereal for Hana. Looking at it made me feel insulted for some reason. First off I plan to make all of my LO's food in a baby blender until she is old enough to eat modified table food. Second, I don't think she is ready I'm not ready to begin her on solids yet because, I feel it will diminish out EBF relationship. I know....how selfish right (bad mommy?) ?

I just don't want to rush her into food, then have my supply drop, and thus begin the premature weening process. Is that wrong? Am I worrying for no reason??? I am not opposed to feeding her a little here and there, but seeing the box scared me because I feel once you open it, you have to commit to giving her the whole thing, making it part of a daily routine...and the feared cycle begins.

It's enough to make me scream.
My Hana @ 4 months trying out a dab of taters!

Missing Medela


Maybe that's it, but I must confess..., I have not pumped in a few weeks. Ok....well maybe that's a stretch because I had to attend to business and upon my return I had to pump out the milk that collected while I was away from my LO, So saying I haven't pumped at all is a lie. What I'm trying to say is that most (99%) of my girl's meals come straight from the tap nowadays. I don't pump in the middle of the night or even in the daytime for that matter. If I have to be away from Hana for a short period of time, I take time out to nurse her really well before I leave. She has been doing well with being able to wait for my return. When she was smaller, she had to have a bottle and could not wait, but at almost five months she can.

I have to say that I am missing my "old faithful". I used to sleep with the pump within arms reach for those nighttime sessions. My pump ia sitting near my dresser patiently awaiting my return. I fully intended to kick-up the pumping but I just could not stick with it and go back to the grueling schedule. I don't think my supply has gone down much, so for now I think we'll be ok, besides I still have the huge freezer stash for back-up.

Has anyone else made the unintentional transition to nursing only and not giving bottles of expressed milk to baby?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Legal Milk 2

Ok, I'm back in commission, and just in time to attend to more court activities........

Yesterday, I had to go to my local courthouse to fill out some important paperwork. I didn't think it would take long to do, so I brought my little girl and six year old son along. Well let's say I underestimated the wait time and ended up being there for a little over 3 1/2 hours! I always knew that all things dealing with the goverment required an insane amount of waiting time, but i gave this the benefit of the doubt. Never again...

I packed (2) 4oz bottles thinking this would be enough for the wait (remember I was thinking 1 hour max). Hana guzzled them down in 1 hour flat! I don't know what got into her but all of a sudden she was the hungriest baby on the planet. I won't say it was all bad, she did a bang up job for a 4 month old. She played with her toys, only used her diaper (poo) once, and was generally in a good mood, despite being in an unfamiliar place. 

About in hour 3 she became antsy and wanted...no demanded to nurse. She tugged at my shirt, gave me her patented "complaint cry", and refused to sit in an upright position (she knows nursing is always done in a cradle hold). I was hesitant to release the girls, but ended up doing just that. I don't know what it is about my breast and the courts that just don't mix. It makes me feel weird. I guess the man sitting across from me in the complaint room , clearly staring doesn't help my hesitance either. LOL I don't know, maybe after all that waiting he was hungry and jealous of the baby eating.

My six year old did an amazing job in waiting also. He is not the type to sit still for too long so this was a major accomplishment for him. As soon as we left I promptly rewarded him with some much deserved Mikcy D's. He was very excited because we hadn't been there to eat for a few months now.

Ryan has become quite the photographer!
Look at the picture he took of his sis at the courthouse!

Hana 4 months-3 weeks old

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Sick activities....

So what else is there to do when you're in your sick bed, have slept all that is humanly possible, and staring at the ceiling is making you dizzy? I, in true blogger fashion have decided to re-do the video collage I made about my little girls birth!. What's up right now is the old version.....the new one is wayy longer and will have more pictures and moving video in it.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzvGg943k58

I'm feeling tired again, oh well.....guess the leftover sickness is still strong. Better get my nap in before the baby wakes up for her feeding.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Down With The Sickness

I am Ill,......That's all I feel like writing because I feel like I've been jumped by two big angry moms in a toy store on Christmas Eve.

But, still I nurse. 

Come runny nose and congested chest, 
Homemade soup, I like best

Still..... I nurse.
Hungry baby, mouth wide open, 
Eat your dinner, time for burpin'
Sill...... I nurse.
Headache roarin', and big boys still snorin'

still...........I nurse.
Scratchy throat, honey won't soothe 
Little girl rollin' over, she's on the move!!

still I NURSE!
Right arm sore, car seat's heavy
Can't feel my face, My head's gettin' heavy

Still......I nurse

Fast asleep, I feel a tugging 
Hana's face, ah! she STILL suckilin'

Still.....I nurse.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Melon Obsession

Ok,,,,,we all know there is only so much you can do with a small baby's hair. I mean aside from sticking bows and an ungodly amount of barrettes onto their silky thin tresses, there is not much else to do. While staring down at my LO's head as I nursed her, I began to wonder how I could spruce up that tiny noggen. That is why I have found myself in cranium heaven, with my discovery of HEADBAND BOWS AND BABY BEANIES WITH FLOWERS!!

Good thing winter is approaching, because now I have the best excuse ever to buy tons of CUTE AND FUN headgear for Hana!! Check out the links below, I've purchased a few items that I'm hoping will get here before christmas so she can don them for the holiday pictures!



This is one of my favorites!!

Also check out the sister site called "Little Limbs". They have the cutest little leggings and warmers for chunky little thighs!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


If you're ever looking for me late, late at night, you can find me barely sleeping in bed with an baby shaped growth on my chest. ....In all seriousness, I honestly think my boobs are pulling double duty as pacifiers.

Ever since my girl was old enough to nurse, she has been at it non stop. I tried introducing her to those tiny lifesavers called pacifiers, but no matter which one I bought she never had much interest in them. (trust me, I bought every brand babiesrus and target had hoping for a miracle, even tried different sizes too!) I have asked various family members to try giving it to her in the hopes that she would accept it from them, with no success. The odd thing is that she had no issues with bottle feeding, and switching back and forth from breast & bottle. I know four months into nursing is a bit late to try to re-introduce a paci but I really want to see if maybe now it could work for us.

Looking on the bright side like I always try to do....., I guess we won't run the risk of pacifier dependence, or of ever having to look for a lost binky. I may try once more just to see if she has changed her mind and switches from paci-mom to a silicone substitute.


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